Sparkling blue

Wildflowers lift my heart. A health scare (virus? Migraine? Dont know but dizzy spells) wore me down for a bit and disrupted my prayer life. I'm starting to pick up again but it's taking time. Patience was never my strong suit. Sunday 15th looked at Ruth - determined faith. Naomi, her daughter-in-law marries Boaz, and is part of the genealogy of Christ. Who knows which part of the link we are? Determined faith - hope- kindness. Plans change, have faith in God's plan. I dont think this is to tell me to "go back home", but to have faith in God's plan for me. My plan changed, was changed for me. Now I live alone, and I need to move on. I can try things, see if I like them. Focus on the Word, look for beauty in the everyday. There is always a beautiful thing somewhere.

And it occurred to me at work yesterday, that David was the love of my life. Was. And I didn’t feel sorrow, or melancholy, just accepting. I know I will forgive him at some point, I need to forgive him for my own mental health. Then I had a little chunter at God, do I have to forgive him before I enjoy the next big adventure? That seems so unfair! But I know I need to let it go, and keep on letting it go, and remember the good times, the love that was there for a long time, and work towards forgiveness. There’s a lot to forgive, and that takes time.

psalm 61 has been the focus of lectio divino this week. (Libby referred to it last week) I think that focusing on the psalms is helping the healing process. God is my refuge, He is sheltering me. I have been deeply hurt, to the very depths of my soul and it is taking time for God’s healing to work. 1 Hear my cry, O God; listen to my prayer. 2 From the ends of the earth I call to you, I call as my heart grows faint; lead me to the rock that is higher than I. 3 For you have been my refuge, a strong tower against the foe. 4 I long to dwell in your tent forever and take refuge in the shelter of your wings. b 5 For you, God, have heard my vows; you have given me the heritage of those who fear your name.

At PsandGs this evening our new Youth minister Nate was preaching on Wrestling with God, the story of Jacob at Peniel, Gen 32,21-31. I do not think the message was for me, I am not wrestling, but trying to rest after the trauma. But a beautiful floral display by the side of the platform caught my eye, an explosion of shades of blue and lavender, and it seemed to me that it was a symbol of something that is heading my way, and explosion of colour, love, joy, excitement and energy. I don’t know what it is, but the image stayed with me. And we had communion, which is always good.